I'm a person who cannot wait to listen to Christmas music every year. I used to be one of those "not until Thanksgiving night" kinda people. But a local radio station starts at least a week before that so I jump on their bandwagon. I like about half of what they play. I don't like vocal gymnastics or over-produced music. I like classics, but don't mind a clever twist or new holiday music that's really good. So here's what I like:
1.
Sleigh Ride, the instrumental version arranged by Leroy Anderson. I played the cymbals and whip crack on this song in my high school Christmas parades. I can still do the whip crack part. I don't mind vocal versions of this but you'd better just sing it straight. No showboatin'.
2. Old hymns, like "
Hark the Herald Angels Sing", "
Angels We Have Heard on High", and "
Oh Come, All Ye Faithful". I can sing the last one in Latin. As it should be sung.
3. "
Carol of the Bells". I don't really know the words but it's pretty easy to just make some up.
4. Pretty much any Christmas song sung by Elvis. He's able to do serious ("
Silent Night"), sexy ("
Santa Bring My Baby Back To Me") and innocent/sexy ("
Here Comes Santa Claus") well.
5. "
Happy Holidays" by Andy Williams. I love old school. I love this song, especially when John and I sing it sarcastically during some holiday meltdown. Are the kids crying while we are driving around looking at lights? "
Happy Holidaaaaaaaays! Happy Holidaaaaaaaaaays!"
6. "
Elf's Lament" by the Barenaked Ladies and Michael Buble. Hilarious and fun to sing. And a great perspective. I also love BNL's version of "
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" with Sarah McLachlan.
7. "
I Want a Hippotamus for Christmas". 'Cause it's so darn cute. And I like singing it to my girls. And they think it's cute.
8. "
Christmas in Hollis." Clearly one of the most awesome Christmas songs ever, sung by Run DMC. I am mad white, but I will sing along every time. Yeah, boy
eeeeee.
9. "
Let it Snow". I love to sing this one, and I'm often heard singing "Oh, the weather outside is frightful." In Memphis, this works year round.
10. "
It's a Marshmallow World in the Winter." But only by Johnny Mathis. And anything else by him. Johnny = Christmas.
11. "
Baby, It's Cold Outside." I like the slow Leon Redbone/Zooey Deschanel version as well as the
spunky Dean Martin one. I see from
Wikipedia that I am the only person on earth who has not recorded a version.
12. What? Did you really think I could keep this list to just ten? Next up: "
Christmas in Dixie" by Alabama. This is the only version allowed. And John and I will sing it whenever it comes on, wherever we are. 'Cause "
maybe down in Memphiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis, Graceland's all in liiiiiiiiiiiiights".
13. "
Christmas Comes But Once a Year." Mostly I just like the way B. B. King says "Christmas comes but 'wonst' a year". The song also reminds me of John's generous spirit -- he and B. B. both want to get their kids
everything.
14. "
Hey, Santa!" by Brian Setzer. I like his gravelly voice and clever rhyming. And I like everything else he does as well.
15. Everything on "
Surfin' Christmas" by the Wave Benders. Just imagine spending your Christmas on a boogie board and you've got this album.
And here is what I hate:
1. "
Do You Hear What I Hear" by Whitney Houston. First of all, Whitney, I miss that happy girl who sang "Wanna Dance with Somebody" oh those many years ago. Why you let Bobby Brown do you like he did? And why do you completely leave out one of the verses of "Hear"? Tell the
whole story, Whitney. Don't cut a verse for time. [I pretty much like anyone else's version of this.]
2. "
Christmas Shoes." OMG, what a piece of dreck. A holiday classic written from a bad (an obviously fake) viral email. I don't have the time to poke all the holes in this "story" and you'd probably have to leave for work anyway. And then they make it into a
movie? With
Rob Lowe?
Seriously? And then the group remakes its own song so they can make even more money from mediocrity? Okay, I realize that I'm a cold fish but I really hate exaggerated sentimentality. I apologize to all of you who treasure this classic.
Disclaimer: I love cheesy Christmas movies, so I may actually watch it someday.3. "
The Twelve Days of Christmas". It's just tedious. The Muppet version is barely bearable.
4. "
Rudolph/Frosty/Santa's Coming to Town." I don't really hate them. They're just boring. Sorry. And too boring to link. I know you've heard them anyway.
5. "
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus." Okay, I'm lying a bit. I like little Michael Jackson's version because when he says "I did see Mommy kissing Santa Claus! I did! I'm gonna tell my dad", John and I say "Michael! Don't do it! Joe's going to kill your rat! Just keep quiet!" This will make much more sense if you've seen the Jackson family miniseries starring Freddie "Boom-boom" Washington as Joe Sr. And if you haven't seen it, you should.
6. "
Christmas to Remember." By Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton. Great googly moogly! Is this really a song about hooking up on the slopes at Christmas?
Really? Just a random shag and I'll see you next year? Is
this the reason for the season?
7. Some Brian Wilson song that is so bad I don't even know the name of it. All I can remember is "SNOW SO WHITE." And then I sing "OUT OF TUNE." Because it just sounds awful. And un-Christmasy.
8. "
Santa Baby," by Madonna. Gah. By
Eartha Kitt? Excellent!
9.
Any Christmas song sung by Christina Aguilera. Or
Mariah Carey. Or
Michael Bolton.
10. "
Christmas in Memphis", by, um ... somebody. I don't know. All I
do know is that Memphis has a wonderfully rich musically heritage and this song is about as vanilla as you can get. The lyrics are dull and the music sounds like it was composed on a Casio by monkeys. It's just embarrassing. And now I feel bad because I found out sales of the record benefit St. Jude. Sigh. The song still sucks.
Now, I know there are plenty of bad Christmas songs that I haven't heard. And there are some that would make the Hated list for others ("Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer") that are just mildly annoying to me. But this is
my list and I'm sticking to it. Feel free to leave your own loves/hates in the comments.